I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
