i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
