Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Im part way to drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
