Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
