hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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