what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
