Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
