i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
