a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
