Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
