sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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