My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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