they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
