what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
