it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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