Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
