Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
