My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
