This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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