Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
