Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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