you traded sex for a burrito?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
