Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
