that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
