Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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