he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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