Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
