There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
