The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
