I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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