Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
