Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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