I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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