nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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