I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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