I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize