you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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