just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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