my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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