I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
