Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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