I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
