When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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