I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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