now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
