I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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