I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
