Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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