it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
