I've blown a few things in my day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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