Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
