I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
