3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
