There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
