yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
