is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
