just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
