i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
