I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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