I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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