wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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