he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
