Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
