It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
