Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
