Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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