just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
